It’s crazy how our culture convinces us that we need to re-make ourselves and become the absolute center and focus of someone else’s life. I used to view the ultimate marriage as being fully adored, loved, and appreciated. This view was a recipe for failure. I was recently reminded of this lesson as I was getting my nails done under a sensory overload of music videos featuring chiseled males and sultry females, scantily clad and parading around in luxury beyond imagination. The music revolved around finding “love,” but none of the beautiful people looked very happy. My gosh, if these rich and beautiful people can’t get “love” right—how can any of us—right? Yet—there is a great cultural pressure to achieve this great love mirage. I mean, look at me—I was getting my nails done, right? 😏
The mindset I had when I got married was—if I could be rich enough, beautiful enough, accomplished enough—I would ALSO be loved enough.
There is a huge problem with this. Not one human on the planet is equipped to handle the pressure or responsibility of being the “center” of someone else’s life. Or, if you strive to BE the center of someone else’s life, then you can be sure—YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH to keep their attention!
You will never meet their expectations;
You will never keep them enraptured; and worst of all…
You will become enslaved trying.
After you are worn out and used up—you will be deserted. When they leave, they will take part of your soul with them. It will take a long time to get it back. Oh, my dear friends, I’ve been on both sides of this equation—the obsessed and the obsession—and, it always ends in pain. I had this unreasonable expectation both—when I married the father of my children and when—I got divorced.
I NEVER want to be there again. And…
I don’t HAVE to go back there because—I’ve found love that is 100 proof!
I know that I am ABSOLUTELY and UNCONDITIONALLY loved by GOD in a way that is beyond human capability. We ALL definitely NEED to be loved this way; but none of us—in and of ourselves—have what it takes to GIVE this kind of love. You can’t give away what you, yourself, need—right? The Bible says quite remarkably, that “GOD is love.” (1 John 4:8) Equally remarkable, the Bible NEVER says, “MAN is love.”
We ALL need to find our greatest love from GOD.
I like to keep this thought close to my heart so I continually place my greatest expectation for love—in God. If I happen to also receive love from others…then that’s a bonus blessing! The miracle of making God my primary source of love, is that I often receive the double blessing that flows from the giving-principle, that is, it is “more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)
Our love-experience with God begins when we are born into His family through accepting Him as Lord and Savior of our life. (Salvation) God downloads His Spirit into our spirit. We are ENABLED to possess love that far exceeds our great need for love. THEN—we don’t NEED to be the center of someone else’s life because God is the center of ours. God gives us the greatest love we need—unconditional, deep, wide, overflowing and wondrous—love.
I like to pray these verses as a reminder of the deep and abiding love God has placed inside of me.
“I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”Ephesians 3:14-19
A rich love-life with God frees us to love others without fear.
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