“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
A recent sermon I heard by Nathaniel, the lead pastor at Nags Head Church, challenged me to really consider whether I am truly practicing unconditional love. I like to think I do, but I’m afraid I often fall woefully short. The good news? When we are saved, we possess the ABILITY to love unconditionally! But I had to ask myself—do I really seem to be GIVING unconditional love? Or, does my life reflect that I am still desperately seeking it? This is quite possibly one of the most important questions we should ask:
When does love actually become unconditional?
As an attorney, a great deal of my work is planning conditions. For example, every contract has conditions. If I prepare your trust, you will pay. If either of us fails to hold up our end, it’s considered a breach, and there are consequences. Unfortunately, this is how many of our relationships function. In fact, we even tend to think about our relationship with God this way! We love people because they love us back. We stay loyal to those who are loyal to us. We give because we expect, somewhere down the line—to receive. It seems fair, right?
But if the “fair” brand of love is all we want, we will never learn to experience love that is truly unconditional.
Fair love is simply transactional—and we must ask ourselves whether it is REALLY even love at all. The Bible defines exactly what real love is:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
And…Jesus is the only One who ever demonstrated this love perfectly.
For example, consider what happened in the Garden of Gethsemane when He was just hours away from the cross. His soul was overwhelmed with sorrow, and He asked His closest friends to do one simple thing: stay awake and pray with Him. They could plainly see He was suffering. The Bible tells us that in His anguish,
“He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:44)
And what were the disciples doing while He wrestled with the weight of THEIR sin? They slept. He came back to find them and said,
“What? Could you not watch with Me one hour?” (Matthew 26:40) Not once, but three times they fell asleep during His anguish!
And when the soldiers finally came to arrest Him, these men who had walked with Him for three years, who had eaten with Him, learned from Him, and sworn to Him their loyalty—scattered. The Bible puts it bluntly:
“Then all the disciples forsook Him and fled.” (Matthew 26:56)
Jesus gave everything—His time, His teaching, His patience, His very life—to men who could not even stay awake to support Him in prayer for one hour when He needed them most. But Jesus still went to the cross because He didn’t have conditions on His love.
Jesus NEVER got as much as He gave.
Not even close. And yet He went to the cross anyway. He did not withhold His love because His disciples failed Him. In fact, Romans 5:8 confirms that He died for us—NOT because we were worthy of His love—but WHILE we were still sinners. We were His enemies—yet He loved us enough to do something about our sin—even though it was against Him. At its core, sin is basically a violation of God’s love.
God’s love has no conditions attached and is offered to us when we have nothing to offer back.
So, the question becomes: Are we even capable of loving like God?
Jesus answered this question in two verses:
John 13:34: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
If Jesus commanded us to do it, then it is possible. But, the truth is, it is IMPOSSIBLE for us to love LIKE Him—WITHOUT HIM. We cannot manufacture unconditional love. We must let Christ, who inhabits our born again soul, work His love through us. Otherwise, we’re acting under our own power and, my friend, we DO keep score. Our flesh remembers who did not text back, who took credit for our work, and who was short with us for no reason. Our flesh wants reciprocity, and when it does not get it, we are offended; we attack or withdraw.
My friend, our flesh is not the part of us that is born again, and…it will NEVER love anyone unconditionally.
The only way any of us can love the way Jesus loved is to let Jesus—who is love—live through us. He must be Lord of every area of our lives. We can’t gin up unconditional love on our own. We must be willing to crucify our selfish fleshly desires and let Christ love through us.
Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate—it’s selfishness.
Only by God’s power can we become completely selfless. But, oh, how living in complete daily surrender to Christ produces a beautiful exchange for us! It’s no longer I who live—but Christ in me!
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)
Once Christ reigns in every area of our lives, His love becomes a bigger force than our selfishness. His love is powerful. It is addicting. His presence becomes our well of love to share with others. We must share it because when God becomes our center, His love is a centrifugal force that MUST be shared. And as we experience His love, we observe that—to our amazement—our love for others is no longer transactional. Why not? Because in Him we have all we need.
My friend, God’s unconditional love is NOT an abstract doctrine!
During the sermon, Nathaniel shared a story from his days as an undergraduate student at a secular university, when a class discussion on the Old Testament turned to the topic of God’s love. He, as a Christian, explained the four kinds of love in the Bible, and when he got to agape, the classroom went silent. Then one of the girls spoke up. “Unconditional love sounds good in theory, but I’ve never seen it, so I’d rather stick to what I know.”
When he shared this story with us, I was so challenged! I thought, “I want to be the best evidence of God’s love!”
Don’t you?
My friend, God gave us 1 Corinthians to explain His love in a way we can understand. For example, it is God’s Spirit that enables us to be longsuffering with someone who is horribly insufferable, like the relative who criticizes everything we do. Because of God’s presence in us, we do not have to allow someone’s unkindness to dictate whether we keep loving them. God’s love that does not envy shows up when a snippy co-worker gets the promotion we wanted, and yet we genuinely celebrate with her. Love that does not seek its own shows up when we do the dishes for the umpteenth time without keeping a mental tally of whose turn it is. Love that is not easily provoked shows up when opposing counsel engages in a personal attack instead of sticking to the facts, and we respond with civility. Love that thinks no evil shows up when someone’s words could be taken two ways, and we choose to believe the better interpretation instead of assuming the worst. Love that bears all things and endures all things shows up in a relationship that has weathered betrayal and yet chooses to help the betrayer instead of abandoning them.
Consider this: Jesus died for Judas.
When we die to self, we live like Jesus.
The love that cost Jesus everything and asked nothing in return is not a love we can produce through sheer willpower or good intentions. It is a love that flows out of a born again soul filled with the Holy Spirit, who transforms us to become more like Jesus. He set the standard, and He commanded us to love like He does because—in HIM—we can! And what a ride it is to live in His love.
Our love only becomes truly unconditional when others fail to meet our expectations, yet we love because we are deeply anchored in our own rich, personal experience of God’s love for us.
Prayer:
Lord, thank You for loving me while I was still Your enemy. I confess that on my own, I keep score, I withhold, and I love conditionally. I ask You to help me to crucify my flesh and surrender every area of my life I’m withholding from You. I want You on the throne so I can love like You do. Let Your Spirit love through me the way You love me—without conditions and without limitation. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
