Life is full of conflict even in the safest spaces in our lives. It may be the sharp edge of a recent evening at home when the dishwasher debate escalated because one partner loaded it “wrong” again. Perhaps it flared when you shouldered the mental load of scheduling family outings, doctor appointments, and grocery lists, while your spouse spent the evening doomscrolling. In the office, it might surface as a subtle jab when a colleague takes credit for your work, or the instinct to micromanage a project because letting go is like losing control.
These small battles reveal an inner reflex: our urgent need to be in control.
Yet this grasping instinct was never God’s first plan for us. In the dawn of creation, He fashioned a man and a woman for a bond so secure that domination was unnecessary. There was no problem of being overlooked or undervalued because all the love they needed was drawn from the perfection of God’s presence and shared freely between them. It was rich with mutual reverence, complete trust, and had no trace of concealed motives. They celebrated each other’s uniqueness without a hint of rivalry. Delight reigned, rendering any human need to rule one another utterly needless. You see, wherever authentic, untainted love flourishes, the very notion of human control is completely unnecessary.
Sin, however, shattered this priceless gift.
Sin broke Adam and Eve’s unmarred fellowship with God and crushed the foundation of their relationship. Fear and insecurity supplanted trust and vulnerability. Self-preservation took the place of complete generosity. In sorrow, God spoke to the woman in this horribly altered landscape: “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16) Those words seem to be God’s lament, exposing sin’s cruel legacy. He created a man and a woman to live in a relationship so secure and so loving that neither one ever needed to dominate the other. They honored each other’s differences without competition. God’s loving rule produced peace and joy, so human “ruling” over each other wasn’t necessary.
My friend, we still inhabit this fractured world and the struggle is real.
A spouse, feeling chronically unheard, withdraws affection to reclaim influence. A parent, anxious that respect might slip away, resorts to harshness rather than Spirit-led guidance. At work, we may undermine a colleague in order to shine brighter in the boss’s eyes. We maintain invisible ledgers—who handled more laundry, who offered the last apology, who gave up more evenings. Each entry fuels self-destructive bitterness.
But when Jesus came to live among us, He showed and taught us how to reclaim a remnant of what was lost in Eden:
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34
“Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant.” Mark 10:43
Jesus possessed ultimate authority, yet knelt to wash dirty feet, ministered to the poor and despised, poured out His life, and revealed that genuine power is demonstrated by willingly emptying ourselves for other people to flourish.
The Gospel offers far more than eternal pardon for our grievous debt of sin against His love.
Salvation makes us “a new creature in Christ” within our soul and spirit. In Christ, we now have the power to love. Then, amid the ordinary friction of that tense Zoom call or dispute with a neighbor, the Holy Spirit instructs us to walk the path of real love. We don’t have to defend ourselves because Christ defends us when we are living in His righteousness instead of our own. Rather than insisting on being right or affirmed, we have the OPTION to live in loving obedience to Him. We have the OPTION to bring some of Eden into this fallen world. We can pause to pray and listen,
“Lord, how can I glorify You in this difficult moment?”
In Christ, we can release our scorekeeping habit and give freely. We can dare to be vulnerable because we are firmly anchored in the abundant love and security Christ provides. We don’t need to dominate—even if we’re the leader—because we know all we are is because of Jesus.
In marriage, this surrender might mean abandoning the attitude of “it’s my way or the highway.” Instead, we can learn to have the attitudes of Christ and respond, “How can I cherish you today as Christ cherishes the church?” At the office, it could look like genuinely rejoicing in a teammate’s win rather than sensing their success as a threat. With children, we can own our angry overreaction with a sincere apology.
Eden is long behind us now, but we are NOT left stranded in the wreckage.
We belong to the eternal kingdom of Jesus. We are readying ourselves for a great time of rejoicing when we are rewarded at the judgment seat of Christ! Every single time we choose to serve instead of keeping score, to respond in humility rather than demand our way, and to trust God when every instinct is to protect ourselves—we are fulfilling our Divine Destiny by glorifying God. We are giving control to God. He is the only one who belongs in control of our lifes.
And we are uncorking the supernatural and unexpected acts of love that remind us of our eternal home!
One day soon, every last shadow of fear will vanish, and God’s love will be the fullness of our experience.
“Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:8-10, 12-13
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, thank You for embodying love that never demands control. Forgive me when I’ve clutched for control. Teach me not to keep score but to forgive as I have been forgiven. Give me fresh courage to trust You in all areas of my life. Give me a truly servant’s heart and refresh me in Your presence. Lord, help me lean not on my own understanding but to in ALL my ways acknowledge You knowing You will direct my path. May all I think, say, and do be governed by Your love, joy, peace, strength, and wisdom. I am nothing without You! In Your name I pray, Amen.
