There’s an exhaustion that comes from waiting to be completely loved. You show up, you give, you adjust your needs into whatever actions might finally earn the response you’re after, and yet—that pure and enduring love always seems just out of reach. It can crush us—or worse—make us apathetic. Apathy is one of the greatest enemies of love.
But God has a much better plan for us!
The Bible gives us a vivid story with an amazing ending from the book of Genesis. Leah intimately experienced the failure of human love. Genesis tells us she was unloved by her husband. Remarkably, the birth of her four sons was a kind of diary of her discovery of true love.
“When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, ‘The LORD has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.’ Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.’ And she called his name Simeon. She conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.’ Therefore his name was called Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Now I will praise the LORD.’ Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she stopped bearing.” (Genesis 29:31-35)
The names of Reuben, Simeon, and Levi reflect Leah giving Jacob another reason to finally choose her. And each time, she’s still unloved and still bargaining. That’s the exhausting path of looking for your worth in someone else. And it’s not always because they’re cruel. Rather, we as humans are incapable of carrying the full weight of another person’s need to be loved.
Then we see the shift at the birth of Judah. Leah made no appeal to Jacob at all. Simply, she said, “Now I will praise the LORD.” (Genesis 29:35) She finally turned her need for love over to God, who could actually love her as she was created to be loved. Jesus describes this extraordinary love:
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:9-11)
Notice Jesus does not say your joy will be full once someone else finally loves you well. He says it is by abiding in His love. His love isn’t contingent on your performance or your usefulness.
God loves us because He IS love.
I think of the people I’ve watched over the years—including myself—who structured their emotional stability and security around another person. It wrecks us. A spouse who forgets an anniversary becomes evidence you’re unlovable. A friend who doesn’t call back becomes proof you’re insignificant. A parent’s silence becomes a verdict on your value. No one can love us like God does—nor can we love others the way they need us to. Without God, real love is impossible. But we can have His love when we are born again and become intentional about spending time with Him, studying His Word, listening to Him, and engaging in His work within a committed body of believers.
When we engage in pursuing God, our relationship with Him becomes so rich that we crave Him even more!
“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” Psalm 34:8
Our relationship with God becomes an experience. Leah, in the middle of heartbreak, finally discovered that God was the one steady source of love she could always depend on. It transformed her. She stopped bargaining with God over what she could never make Jacob do and began praising God for Who He is.
She discovered true love.
When we truly experience the depth of God’s love, we become a conduit of His love. We have all we need and therefore give it to others instead of needing it from them. We experience the selflessness of God, which is the essence of real love.
If you’re waiting for someone to finally love you for who you are—wait no longer. Surrender yourself for salvation. If you are already born again, surrender every area of your life. Allow God to become your center. He never forgets, disappoints, or walks away.
God loved you before you loved Him, and He is ready to love you better than you’ve ever been loved.
Prayer:
Lord, I confess how often I’ve looked to people to give me the kind of love only You are capable of giving. I know You know my needs. Draw me deeper into a relationship with You. Teach me to taste and know Your goodness so completely that I NEED to give love to others instead of desperately seeking it for myself. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
