A Beautiful Gift From My Disreputable Past

My sinful history is not something I like to remember or talk about. Who wants to revisit their shameful past, right? But, when we humble our heart and make a 180 turn back to God—He consistently reveals how HIS great purpose for us will not be thwarted. Let me give you an example of one of the most beautiful gifts God is creating in me from the rubble of my past life. I won’t clutter your brain with the detailed knowledge of my specific sins because it’s not necessary to make the point and—why would I unnecessarily burden your mind? Suffice it to say—if you had known me then, you would have seen little evidence of the Christ I claimed to represent!!! 

My shameful behavior took me to places I do NOT want to remember; but the grace of God has given me gifts I never want to forget. 

Some of the best gifts which emerged from my rubble—humility, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. When you experience these gifts from God in copious amounts—it’s impossible to keep them to yourself. Thus, when I begin to judge, belittle, or return evil for evil—I am reminded of my own glass house, and how God has mercifully and graciously filled my bank account with 4 Trillion to give away! 

God’s mercy and grace towards me has become one of my greatest gifts to give others. 

You see, my friend, we have choices about how to process our past failures. The unhealthy choice is to carry guilt and let it destroy us. The healthy choice is to repent, and transform our mind through a robust relationship with God. This involves faithfully living according to the righteous standard of God because if all we do with our sin is ask for forgiveness but we never actively work to replace it with behavior that is glorifying God—we will ABSOLUTELY live in a cycle of guilt. King David’s prayer after Nathan the prophet confronted him about his sin with Bathsheba is my go-to model prayer for repentance. Below are a few excerpts:

“Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; according to the MULTITUDE of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You. 

DELIVER me from the GUILT of bloodshed, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— these, O God, You will not despise.”

Psalms 51:1, 3, 6-7, 10-14, 16-17

‭‭I know that in my life, each VALLEY of shame is marked by a MOUNTAIN of God’s mercy.

True repentance isn’t just about getting rid of sin—it’s replacing it with the presence of God. We must actively pursue our relationship with God and develop healthy emotions through the experience of His supernatural love. This will completely change the way we think about our own past transgressions.

The reminder of our depravity is transformed from a source of cyclical guilt into—the great gifts of humility, mercy, grace, and forgiveness to give to others!

The glorious experience of God’s mercy and forgiveness will grow in us a strong desire to give it to others. God’s mercy humbles us and enables us to give remarkable degrees of mercy and grace to others. What a lovely surprise it is to give extravagant grace to someone who has wronged us!  This is entering into the great mystery of grace. We are no longer slaves of retribution in response to the wrongs of our fellow man. Freedom in Christ is glorious.

God’s history of mercy towards ME—is a tool that is continually transforming my view of my offenders. 

The more I grow in my relationship with God, the more He allows me to see other people the way He does. This only happened after I developed a soul-satisfying relationship with Him. We, as born again Christians often fall back into a sinful lifestyle because we NEVER learn to grow in our heart-knowledge of God. Head-knowledge is no substitute for the deep satisfaction of a close relationship with God. The cold religiosity of good deeds and doctrine without a relationship with Him—will never give us enough of what we were designed by God to have. We need Him—inside and out!

The experience of a relationship with God makes Him the CENTER of all our desires. His presence, alone, is what transforms the GUILT of our past into the GRACE of today. The EVIDENCE of the grace we have received from God is in how generously we give it away. 

Pride blinds us to our need for grace; Humility produces a fountain of generous grace.

When we have experienced the amazing grace and mercy of God, we recognize in other sinners what WE were before we were rescued by grace. The closer we are to God, the more we comprehend His compassion and—we LOVE giving it to others.

When we allow God’s mercy and grace to write our love story, we help others write theirs!

We would love to hear your thoughts about this devotional. Did God speak to you or challenge your daily walk with him? Or is there a topic that you would like Kimberly to cover or expound on? Please share with us in the comments below.

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