What do you do when someone you care for is hurting? How do you put yourself in their shoes and try to understand what they are going through—especially when you’ve got your own issues to deal with? What is the best way to even begin to try to cheer them up when they are going through the darkest of valleys? How do you encourage them when they are battling for their lives?
Finding solutions to problems when conventional wisdom has failed can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging.
As someone I care about begins to cry or expresses their frustration, I have often felt the urge to scramble and find words or a solution. So many well-meaning but unhelpful phrases come to my mind:
“God will never give you more than you can handle!”
“He’s in a better place!”
“When God closes a door, He opens a window!”
“I understand. I… (proceeds to tell the hurting person a “relatable” story about situation that is ultimately not the same)”
It is human to want to find solutions to problems—it is part of the way we survive and thrive on this earth. Sin, however, has created problems that we were not designed to handle. With the introduction of sin into the world, there is, as it were, a low-lying cloud blocking our view of the sun. It separates us from God and is full of storm cells that prevent us from having an understanding of what is truly going on above. Thankfully, God anticipated sin entering the world and not only prepared the plan of salvation for mankind, but further provided instructions on how to handle the storms of life.
Imagine being out for a walk and an unanticipated storm pops up with torrential rain. You are instantly soaked and struggle to navigate the muddy shoulder of the road. Suddenly, a friend pulls up in a vehicle full of their very dry and very clean family, rolls down the window, and says, “I am so sorry you are going through this, but it should pass soon!” then promptly drives away. Now, imagine that same friend with their very dry and very clean family pulling over, scooting bodies around, and insisting that you sit in the shelter with them until the storm passes.
A huge part of helping someone through their struggles is presence—being willing to reach down into that muddy, messy place and inviting them to shelter with you. It would do neither of you much good if you got out of your dry car and stood in the rain next to them. In other words, you MUST remain grounded in your relationship with God in order to be able to help others. Regularly studying God’s words in the Bible and communicating with Him will help you to think more like Christ. Philippians 2:5 is instructive: “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”
Furthermore, in helping others in your own strength, you can quickly become drained. Jesus advised that we take his yoke upon us so that we might find rest for our souls. In doing that, we “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
“Burdens” in this verse comes from the Greek word “baros” which means heaviness or trouble and refers to something beyond the normal capacity for a person to carry. “The law of Christ” is widely agreed upon to be a reference to Christ’s command that we love one another as He has loved us (John 13:34). When someone is struggling with a “baros” or burden that is too heavy for them, we as Christians are to pull up next to them and help them with the unconditional love that Christ demonstrated to us with His gift of salvation.
When we encounter those with problems that are too big for our conventional wisdom, it is then that we must tap into the infinite wisdom of the God of the universe and practice discernment in helping those around us through their darkest of valleys. God has provided His Word and His Spirit and we don’t have to work alone to help others through the darkest times!
We would love to hear your thoughts about this devotional. Did God speak to you or challenge your daily walk with him? Or is there a topic that you would like Kimberly to cover or expound on? Please share with us in the comments below.
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9 Responses
Job. His friends were well intentioned and started well…they were present and just kept quiet. But then they felt compelled to fix the suffering, to find its cause. That did not end well. The cause was hidden, so they went off the rails and ended up being hurtful rather than helpful—all because they had to have a cause they could name. I think down the road God does gives us eyes to see more in our suffering, but some suffering we will never understand or make sense out of. At least in our retrospect we can see what God did for us, how he used our pain, how he grew us and how he was there even when we didn’t see him or feel him there.
Great thoughts, my friend. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you
Joel Osteen once said. ” You are never more like God when you help hurting people .”
And no one better demonstrated that than Jesus Christ!
Wonderful devotion!
Thank you-I am only sharing what God has put on my heart and what I have learned from experience! All the glory goes to Him!