Yesterday we discussed the status or condition of being guilty. This happens when we sin. I think it’s very fair to ask why so many born again believers still live under a cloud of FEELING guilty. How is it possible for a person whose soul has been made righteous before God—to feel guilty?
Are these guilty feelings of a born again believer healthy or unhealthy?
Well, it depends. Yesterday we mentioned that guilt is a powerful emotion or psychological response. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines “guilt” as a painful appraisal of having done something wrong, and a readiness to take action to undo the wrong. This definition is actually very useful in helping us understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt if it is viewed through the lens of God’s Word.
To live the glorious life God intends for us, we must understand and process guilt according to God’s truth.
When it comes to the “wrong” that makes us feel guilty, the first question we must ask is what is our source of right and wrong?
God’s Word is the only standard of truth which can produce a healthy response to guilt.
If you are feeling guilty because…someone is manipulating you or you are being “guilted” by some other standard of “truth,” then you must recognize this. False guilt for violating an unreliable or wavering set of rules will drive you to despair. It is manipulation and it is as unhealthy as trying to swallow a live poisonous snake!
For example, what if your boyfriend is guilt-tripping you for not having sex? First, consider his standard of truth, which is: “it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage;” instead of Biblical truth—it’s fornication and not okay with the God of the Bible. They have chosen a “truth” that suits their lifestyle and they are merely manipulating you into caving into their belief system. If you are a born again believer, you do not need to feel guilty. In fact, if you are in touch with God, He will likely prompt you to find another companion who believes in God’s ways. This happened to me. I fought against feeling guilty and then finally gave him an ultimatum: “We do things God’s way or we part ways.” Although he claimed to be a born again Christian, he ultimately decided sex was more important than a close relationship with God or with me. 😳 A week later he found a woman who immediately moved in with him. But as soon as I drew the line with him, my guilt was gone. Did I still care about him—of course, when I think about him, I still pray for him. But I am free of guilt.
Look, even after we are born again, our flesh is no better than the day our soul was born again. We will make decisions that violate God’s Word. (In Romans Chapter 7 Paul describes his great struggle.) When we do, we WILL feel guilty. However, that guilt is useful because it keeps bringing us back to God, who is our only source of peace, love, joy, wisdom, strength, and satisfaction.
I challenge you to think of something you tend to feel guilty about and see if you can identify the behavior as something that is contrary to God’s Word. A few examples from my own life are:
Worrying instead of praying; eating after I’m full; failing to talk to someone about Jesus or give them my tract when the Spirit is leading me to do so; saying something about someone else that isn’t kind, necessary, or honest.
Clearly, each one of these behaviors violate God’s Word. So, what will I do with these feelings of guilt? Well, the feelings are useful if they cause me to repent and return to God’s ways. But the feelings of guilt are not useful if the enemy uses them to drive me away from God. Paul the Apostle explained:
“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.” 2 Corinthians 7:9-11
Godly sorrow (or healthy guilt) produces a desire to change and conform to God’s ways. Worldly sorrow (unhealthy guilt) just produces feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, sadness without reconciling our closeness to God.
In fact, these feelings can impune the character of God and take us from God’s presence!
How?
Well, when we begin believing any of the lies of the enemy about God we withdraw from His presence. For example, one lie is that God demands we earn His favor and thus, we will never be good enough. We may think, “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself.” This is unhealthy guilt, and it is the enemy whispering we don’t deserve full pardon until we prove to God how sorry we are and thus that we must continue to carry the load of shame because we deserve it. Satan convinces us this attitude of guilt is actually humility. Nothing could be further from the truth!
In fact, the opposite is true.
Hanging onto false guilt after we have been redeemed means we are full of pride. A humble person gratefully accepts a pardon that cannot be earned and his life demonstrates his gratefulness. But pride says, “I must adhere to a higher standard than God and what Jesus did was not sufficient so I must help Jesus pay for my sins by punishing myself.” What an insult to Christ!
Healthy guilt keeps us humble as we recognize no one can be good enough to earn God’s favor. A recognition of guilt should drive us to gratefully receive all God has done on our behalf. Healthy guilt propels us toward God; unhealthy guilt drives us away. Unhealthy guilt sees failure as a life sentence; healthy guilt is another opportunity to experience God’s mercy and grace. Healthy guilt is erased by repentance; unhealthy guilt clings to us and makes us miserable.
When we learn to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, it does not have to dominate our lives.
Guilty feelings based upon a violation of God’s truth cause us to repent, and we have God’s promise that if we confess our sins to Him, He will forgive us:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
God paid a high price so we could walk in freedom.
For those who are born again, guilty feelings can be a wake-up call that something isn’t right. We have the opportunity to confess our sin and turn from it. We were not designed to carry guilt; Jesus did that for us.
“who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.” 1 Peter 2:24
