I recently was struggling to forgive someone who was bent on hurting me. The more I thought about the situation, the more my peace slipped away and was replaced by anxiety. I was losing this remarkable promise of God: “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
I found my mind no longer stayed on the Lord—it was fixed on the offense.
Even when I went directly to this person and asked if I had done something offensive, hoping to apologize and make things right, they laughed nervously and told me I’d done nothing wrong. Well, I knew I wasn’t imagining things. The situation did not improve—to the point that I could see it begin to interfere with my quiet time. My sense of God’s presence was diminishing.
Finally, one morning, I found myself laying in bed stewing about it, and I realized I had not given this problem to the Lord.
Ugh! So I gave this person and my hurt to God. Fully. And almost immediately, He brought to mind the parable of the unforgiving servant. I was living in unforgiveness. Even though I had already done what Jesus instructed in Matthew 18:15 (to try to make it right); now I simply needed to give it to Him. Jesus’ words were a not-so-subtle reminder of my self-justified reasons for continuing to stew over this issue: “Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” (Matthew 18:33) What this person had done against me was insignificant compared to the immeasurable debt God has forgiven in me.
Then the Lord gave me two clear instructions. First, to pray for this person. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you…and PRAY for those who spitefully use you.” (Matthew 5:44) Second, He told me to give to this person generously—beyond what felt reasonable or deserved—like He does for me every day.
As I asked the Lord how to do this practically, He gave me ideas far more generous than I would have chosen on my own. Yet peace came when I remembered this truth: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.” (James 1:17) To give bountifully to my offender, was not being generous with MY resources, but rather—with the resources GOD had entrusted to me. I was reminded: “God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you…may have an abundance for every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)
I share this story not to boast, but rather, because this is an example of where theology meets real life. Forgiveness is not theoretical—it is necessary and costly. We ALL struggle with offenses. And—we’ve ALL been offenders! God’s Word reminds us that real love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) If I’m honest, I want to receive this kind of love far more than I want to give it. But the truth is that this real love comes only from God!
“We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
As born again believers, it’s impossible to fully experience Christ’s love in our own life while simultaneously withholding His love from others.
The very basis of God’s love is selflessness. We must give. Humility opens the door and allows God’s presence to speak louder than our pain. “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6) Anytime I pause to remember the depth of God’s forgiveness toward me, my heart must repent and soften toward any offender. God’s goodness melted my unforgiveness like ice in the sunshine. His Word commands us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
I was set free.
The moment I chose obedience over self-protection, peace returned with sweet relief! It was not because the situation immediately changed—it hasn’t—but because my heart realigned with God. Jesus promised us: “My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.” (John 14:27) Forgiveness did not excuse or erase the wrongdoing—it simply released me from bondage to it.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” 2 Corinthians 3:17
Prayer:
Lord, I cannot forgive on my own. Remind me of the depth of Your mercy toward me. Humble my heart. Help me pray for those who plan to hurt me. Give me the wisdom of Your mind and the generosity of Your love. Fill me with Your Spirit. Keep my mind stayed on You. Help me desire a strong sense of Your presence more than anything else in this world. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
